A squirrel story is that story you love to tell at parties.
It’s embarrassing. It’s goofy. It’s strange.
All I knew is I woke up and my ass hurt.
Aaron Tyree
Don't smoke in front of that Catholic family. Oh, God!
Karla Weisenberger
He lives in this god-forsaken wasteland called Cleveland.
Matt Franklin
I brought face masks for just that reason.
Karla Weisenberger
I come from one of those families that are beautiful and loving and incredibly fucked up.
Karla Weisenberger
I don't even understand how he makes pans.
Becky Blank
I go in screaming, naked, everything's jiggling.
Aaron Tyree
I got sick from kid cooties.
Karla Weisenberger
I grew up in a place called Loveland. That tells you everything you need to know about how hood and urban I am.
Matt Franklin
I'm waiting, on Pinterest, having a good-old time.
Karla Weisenberger
I stand and lean on something and try to look like I'm not a pervert.
Matt Franklin
It's going to be me or shadow dude.
Aaron Tyree
I've never said the word 'bling' before, but that's what he was wearing.
Matt Franklin
I went down with my 0.22 and fired it in the air. You should have seen that boy get out of there.
Charlie Moore
I would be scared of Tonya, too, if I were a ghost.
Meaghan FitzGerald
Karma knew what I had done, and karma got me later.
Katie Davis
Let's see how far this car can go and let's see how long this night can last.
Tim Fagel
My dad was a persistent guy. He wanted to get it in.
[Anonymous]
Oh, and our cat was dead at this point.
Meaghan FitzGerald
Okay, Gill's a midget.
Becky Blank
OMG, we made it! Look at all the dead people. We're here.
Matt Franklin
She could just shake and everything would be cool.
Rob Sloan
She's a lunatic, but of the best kind.
Meaghan FitzGerald
She's not crazy for seeing this. She's crazy for ten thousand other reasons.
Meaghan FitzGerald
Sometimes the best friends are the worst people to live with.
Aaron Tyree
That's when I heard the gunshot.
Charlie Moore
The grandfather lost his arm in a bar fight to a hatchet.
Charlie Moore
There are some videos of my time in college that really shouldn't circulate.
Matt Franklin
The same law of physics that allows a blanket to be a guard against monsters apparently can also keep you in your room when your drunk roommate is trying to make you drink more.
Aaron Tyree
They started throwing dog treats at us because they're Florida fans.
Drew Hayes
They were strippers, but they were in nice dresses. It was very tasteful.
Matt Franklin
Well, I'm awake. I guess I'll just have mental conversations with my stuffed animals.
[Anonymous]
We're going to need to go to Jimmy John's first.
Katie Davis
Whatever you do, stay away from the windows.
Charlie Moore
You can stay up and masturbate to Lily Munster all you want.
Aaron Tyree
You have big balls sitting in my section.
Matt Franklin
You're kind of weird, but we're weird too, so we accept you.
Meaghan FitzGerald
View All QuotesWhat's your Squirrel Story?
Everyone has that one embarrassing, goofy, or totally strange story they love to share at parties.
Share Your Story
Was it a gunshot or fireworks? How did you get involved in the Russian mafia? What do you do when you’re sure it’s a gunshot? These are the questions we ask (and answer) in this episode.
Apr 18, 2018
We’re getting lost. Or we’re losing. And then we’re (or our things are) going to try to find our (or their) way back home.
Drew Hayes, Katie Davis, Rob Sloan
Apr 11, 2018